Do You Hear What I Hear?

Effective listening skills aren't just important in sales, they can make a difference in life!  Listening skills impact personal and professional relationships, increase job satisfaction and overall interpersonal happiness.  Studies show when people in your life are being listened to, they report feelings of respect, rapport, and a sense of achievement.  At work this means increased productivity, greater cooperation, teamwork and less job related stress.[i]   In sales: blowing out that quota!   In an relationship: better communication and intimacy.  For many of us only one of these positive changes would be worth increasing listening skills. So how can we become a good listener?


Well, communication gurus have identified four ways to listen; Passively, Selectively, Attentively and Actively (this is also referred to as reflective or responsive listening)[ii].  The first of these, passive listening, is perhaps the most common way most of us listen to others.  Think of a customer who might provide nonverbal cues as responses, but really says very little.  The nonverbal behaviors include eye contact, infrequent nodding of the head, and occasional murmurs, such as “oh”, or “hmmm”.  The listener presents a blank face and appears to not really “be there”.  For a speaker desiring a true conversation this type of listening can be extremely frustrating, as there is little connection between individuals.  Have you ever had this kind of interaction?  Getting past this type of listening requires engagement.  Ask an open ended question.  Stop talking.  This may be a sign you are talking too much and the listener has really just tuned out.


Then there is the second most common type of listening: selective listening.  Selective listeners hear only that which they want to hear, and behave as such.  As long as they like what is being said, the listener is connected to the speaker.  When they no longer care for the message, the individual practicing selective listening will then demonstrate strong nonverbal behaviors to express their disapproval or disinterest.  They may look at their watch, roll their eyes or break eye contact.  They may insert verbal cues such as changing the subject, taking over the conversation, or arguing minute points, as if debating.  It is easy to become a selective listener.  Time pressures and preconceptions can lead to a habit of selective listening.  This type of communication damages professional and personal communication, and can also cause misunderstanding and job tension.  It is also one of the worst things to see from our customers, co-workers or clients.
            
The third and more productive form of listening is attentive listening.  Attentive listeners are more engaged than passive listeners, and far less judgmental that selective listeners.  The attentive listener’s behavior involves a great deal of eye contact, nodding or supportive comments, and sincere facial expressions.  They also may ask questions to better understand the speaker’s thoughts.  This is a very facts oriented approach to communication.  It does, however, miss the emotional aspect in every interaction, and consequently lacks the full meaning.


The final and most effective means of listening is active listening (also referred to as reflective or responsive listening).  This is where we want to be as sales people and s human beings.  Active listeners utilize listening as an equal part of their communication skills.  They receive a speaker’s message in a nonjudgmental, open-minded fashion.  More importantly the active listener makes every attempt to understand the complete meaning of a communication.  The feelings and the facts are both part of the message.  Like the attentive listener, the active listener’s behavior involves eye contact, nodding, supportive comments, and sincere facial expressions.  They also patiently ask questions to clarify the speaker’s thoughts, and work to summarize both the emotions and ideas behind the interaction[iii].  Can you see how active listening can benefit a consultative sales process and increase the realtionship we have with our customers? 


Tomorrow:  Acitve Listening:  Does it Burn Calories?

[i] Brounstein, p. 28

[ii] Brounstein, p. 38

[iii] Booher, p. 154

Note:  The thoughts and opinions on Training Wheels are my own, unless otherwise referenced, and are to be food for thought.  If contemplating business changes, these blog posts are not a substitute for consulting your lawyer or accountant. I"ll bet you already figured that out, didn't you?  

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How to Really Listen in Business (and Life)

It seems that in front of a client, many professionals forget that speaking is only half of the communication equation.  Talking without listening is really just noise.  

Whether in life or business, a good conversation needs folks to take turns speaking and listening.  When both try talking at the same time, the communication process breaks dow and a tug of war ensues.  If the speaker never allows a response form the receiver, a monolouge, rather than a conversation has taken place.  Remember, a monologue isn't an effective way to sell anything, or build a professional relationship.  

The goal of the communication process is mutual understanding that strengthens the personal and professional bond:  For a sales professiona the result of such a mutual understanding is often a sale, for a physician it's a happier patient with a potential for better outcomes, for the office manager it results in a more efficient group of employees

So how do we improve our communication to get to this mutual understanding? Well, on the job we interact with co-workers, customers and their staff. As a rep I might do some talking and a lot of listening. In fact, I feel like I'm a pretty good listener. But is it possible to improve my listening skills still further? Can I learn to really listen and can that skill improve both my sales efforts and personal life? The first step in that process is understanding some key areas and putting them into practice.

First, it's important to realize that listening is a skill separate from the physical act of hearing. Being able to hear someone may have little to do with actually listening. Hearing is simply the process of taking in the spoken sound. Listening is so much more.

As a society we pay attention to great speakers, politicians, and stand-up comics. Has a great listener ever got a standing ovation? Does a great listener garner kudos. Not really, yet they should. Text books define effective listening as the means by which a thought is received from a speaker, and the true meaning is discerned. The receiver then must respond to the message to reflect understanding. It's that "true meaning" that is the hitch. Sometimes it seems like our clients are speaking in code. They say yes, but never follow with a purchase order. They nod, agree, voice thoughts, but we keep missing that big sale. What is the true meaning behind what they are telling us? You need to listen to find that out!

Tomorrow: "One of the best ways to persuade others is to listen to them." -Dean Rusk

Note:  The thoughts and opinions on Training Wheels are my own, unless otherwise referenced, and are to be food for thought.  If contemplating business changes, these blog posts are not a substitute for consulting your lawyer or accountant. I"ll bet you already figured that out, didn't you?  

Talk to the Hand

The last few posts I've really focused on the "what happens" when we open our mouths and "why" we may be understood as business professionals. Don't forget, (yes, I am repeating myself), most of the meaning we attribute to words comes from nonverbal communication factors: gestures, facial expressions, tone, and body language.

So what? What's in it for my quota attainment? How will I get along better with clients?  How will my patients respond differently?  Well, understanding leads to a change in behavior, so bear with me.

We use body language five different ways. You don't have to memorize these, but think about them! Think how they may have played a role in your business interactions, consultations and presentations: The success or lack of it.

So here are the five roles. In repetition the body language reflects the message the person is making verbally. You look like you are saying what you mean. The best professionals have mastered this! However, in the second role contradictory cues say the opposite of what the words state. Think of one of those sales reps that gave you the "I just don't trust him" feeling. It was because you brain was stepping in to tell you that something was not jiving with the sales message. In the third role, substitution, the non-verbal message is used in place of a verbal statement. For example, a parent can often clearly impart a message to their child with the "look". The child knows clearly what is expected, without a word being spoken. If only we could give the look to some of those difficult customers, huh?

Then there are complementing cues. Complementing cues add to or complement a verbal communication, but may or may not be a positive experience. Think of how a dad's pat on the back in addition to an "Atta Boy!" increases the praise's impact several fold. On the other hand, some more negative complementing cues might be a hand gesture (perhaps while driving?) or a shake of the head. We certainly all know the meaning of "Talk to the hand". What a great complementary cue! A final example is accenting, and it emphasizes or underlines a verbal message. Soviet leader, Kruschev's, famous pounding of his shoe, is a prime example of accenting. It may have worked for him, but would be perhaps a less than optimal idea in a professional setting, even if you are frustrated!

So, remember as professional folk become more skillful at communicating, we really start to understand the importance of nonverbal communication and use it to increase our effectiveness and bottom line.

Next Time: Listening? But I have something to say!




Note:  The thoughts and opinions on Training Wheels are my own, unless otherwise referenced, and are to be food for thought.  If contemplating business changes, these blog posts are not a substitute for consulting your lawyer or accountant. I"ll bet you already figured that out, didn't you?  

Now’s the Time for Talk!

So how does time impact communication in a professional business setting? The use of time is another non-verbal way to communicate thoughts and feelings. It can communicate feelings of self-worth, a view of status and power, and a host of a lot of other things. Think about how a emplyer would view timeliness in a potential employee. Out of respect the prospect would arrive on time, or be early. What does a late arrive "say" to a interviewer? Aren't they worth the courtesy your timeliness? You said a lot without first saying hello.

 So assuming you have arrived on time, the cadence of the words then used during every professional interaction says still more. It could imply measured thought, scattered and hurried ideas, or even a lack of intelligence. High speed communication, unless on the Internet, rarely provides accurate, comprehensive interactions. So for type A individuals: SLOW DOWN!

Slow and somewhat repetitive conversations provide the clearest exchange of ideas. A slow rate of speech implies well-chosen words and underscores the importance of the message. The pace gives a listener time to contemplate what's being said and attach the appropriate significance. No need to be a turtle, but enough of the Chipmunk sound track already!Individuals also use "things" to communicate non-verbally: expensive jewelry, clothing, neat or messy surroundings, photographs, and plants, etc. What we wear and other aspects of our physical appearance communicate social status, values and expectations. Our visual impression is often the first and most memorable of all communications, and can alter the client's ability to receive the intended message. So dress the part!

Health care professionals have long heard about the "white coat phenomenon." In fact, a Mayo Clinic study found a 68% decline in comprehension when patients are gowned and in an exam room. Do you ever wonder if your clients have the same response to your marketing materials? All joking aside, the physical environment and speaker's attire impact communication.So wrapping up, most of the meaning we attribute to words comes from nonverbal communication. Don't forget these include gestures, facial expressions, tone, and body language.

 Tomorrow, the roles nonverbal cues play in communication

Movin’ and Groovin’ in Communication

So now we know we have to think before we speak, and that our words only convey part of the message. What is another means that body language impacts communication? When an individual says one thing, but relates the exact opposite through voice or movement, these interactions are referred to as mixed messages. They require the listener to choose between the verbal and non-verbal.

Have you ever spoken with a crabby spouse? Often it's the mixed message that's creating the problem, and no one believes the, "I'm not mad," said through clenched teeth. Most frequently, the listener will choose the nonverbal portion of the interaction as "what was meant". Mixed messages create tension and distrust because the listener senses that the speaker is hiding something, or being less than truthful. Non-verbal communication also includes physical touch and space. A handshake, a pat on the back, a hug or a kiss are all examples of tactile non-verbal messages. For some cultures there is a great deal of tactile messages between the same gender, but little physical contact between the sexes. For example, a female patient from Pakistan may be uncomfortable shaking the hand of a male health care provider, or an Iranian coworker may be uncomfortable with a pat on the back. When interacting with individuals from other cultures, it is best to err on the side of less tactile contact, especially between genders.

Another aspect of non-verbal communication is physical space. Physical space is the proximity a speaker stands next to a listener. This space is divided into 4 distinct zones: intimate, personal, social and public. For most American-born individuals, the "intimate zone" is within two feet, and is share only with our closest family, and loved ones. The "personal zone" from two to four feet, and is usually reserved for extended family and friends. The social zone (four to twelve feet) is the distance most business or sales transactions take place. The final communication space, the "public zone", is over twelve feet and is generally used for lectures and public gatherings.

How does this physical space impact selling or other professional interactions? Consider this; humans tend to protect and control personal territory. We mark this territory with walls, personal items and a physical presence. For those of northern European descent, someone standing very close can cause discomfort, as it seems that one's space is invaded. When standing or sitting too close during and interaction, someone who is feeling uncomfortable may have difficulty processing information, retaining directions, and in general will "listen" less effectively.

Obviously, in a professional setting, this can pose a problem resulting in poor relationships, uncomfortable clients, and poorer results.   At the risk of stereotyping, one can generalize and state that Anglo-Americans and Northern Europeans typify a non-contact group characterized by small amounts of touching and relatively large physical spaces between communicators. Southern Europeans, Arabic and Latin cultures will tend to stand more closely, and touch more during communication, especially when talking with individuals of the same gender.Another aspect of non-verbal communication is vocal intonation. Approximately 35% of a message is the tone, and the meaning of words is altered significantly by changing the volume or pitch.

Anyone with a teenager can attest to the fact it may not be what is said, but rather how it is stated. Vocal meanings also vary across cultures. To a Midwesterner raising a voice can mean anger, but a New Yorker may just find it an everyday way of being social. It is important to remember that hearing loss can also cause individuals to speak more loudly than normal social levels, and be perceived as angry or combative. Individuals socialized to speak more quietly may give the impression of passivity. The intonation used by a professional and client alike can affect the outcome of a business interaction.

 Tomorrow: "Time" for a Review of Good Communication


Note:  The thoughts and opinions on Training Wheels are my own, unless otherwise referenced, and are to be food for thought.  If contemplating business changes, these blog posts are not a substitute for consulting your lawyer or accountant. I"ll bet you already figured that out, didn't you?  

Communicating in Non-Verbals: or as Mom said, “Don’t give me that look!”

After we think about what we want to say, how can we teach our teams to avoid miscommunication as they begin to share messages? At first introduction we make assumptions about who we meet within the first five to seven seconds, often before a word has been spoken. This may sound prejudicial, but every human being does it. These initial impressions are perceptual biases, or in other words, the shortcuts necessary to organize data. Invariably, these shortcuts introduce prejudice into our daily communication. Some of the negative shortcuts include stereotyping, projection, and self-fulfilling prophecies. 

Stereotyping is the most common perceptual bias, and is the assumption that a person has certain characteristics based on the ethnic, social or geographic group to which they belong. This occurs without validating that the individual or group, in fact, has these characteristics. Interestingly, this bias can also alter the manner in which the speaker presents information, as they too may be guilty of stereotyping.

While you can't alter a listener's previous experiences (projection), or if, like you, their ex-husband had red hair and a beard (distortions from the past), you can take steps to help that a first impression be a positive one. For most individuals of North American or European cultures eye contact, a warm smile and offering a handshake, if appropriate, can increase an individual's positive first impression rate. More will be discussed later about the cultural differences with regard to greetings, personal space and eye contact.

As mentioned earlier, the verbal portion of a message actually means less than what is not said (only about 7% of a person's message consists of words). The non-verbal segment of communication includes such things as body language and tone, but is also made up of sight, touch, volume and the use of time and space. The sight aspect of non-verbal communication includes all that is visual. Eye contact, facial expression, hand gestures and posture are examples of what is commonly called "body language".

Eye contact is one of the key ways humans and animals interpret intent. Holding a gaze too long is found intimidating or excessively intimate, while shifting one's eyes away from the gaze of another is found to be untrustworthy. This is why wearing dark sunglasses are frequently found to be disconcerting when one is attempting to communicate.
 
While reading body language was all the rage in the Seventies, we can easily misread non-verbal cues especially when communicating with individuals from different cultures. Crossing your arms in front of your chest is a sure sign of hostility, right? Or does it mean that you are cold?

Gestures may mean something very different from one culture to another. President George W. Bush found this to be the case in his January 2005 inauguration. While cheering on a Texas marching band, he gave the "Hook 'em Horns" gesture popular at the state's university. Unfortunately, the three-fingered hand sign is representative of devil worship in Norway and other Scandinavian countries. Another example of such confusion includes the common nod. In American culture one shows agreement by making the head go up and down. However, in India, to say" yes" a person moves their head from side-to-side. A patient or co-worker, even if they speak perfect English, may be perceived as providing a negative answer due to their body language, while they were agreeing all along.

Additionally, humans look to posture to provide clues about a speaker. Does the posture indicate self-confidence, aggression, fear, or anxiety? Gestures such as how we hold our hands, move them while speaking, or a handshake, also provide further indications of intent. For example, when interacting with a patient from an Arab country it would be preferable to not cross one's legs, or show the sole of the shoe, as that is considered the height of rudeness. Unintentional gestures may alter a patient's perception of a clinician's professionalism. No business professional is expected to be aware of every nuance, but observing a customer's or colleague's response to certain movements could be helpful. Remember, many gestures are culturally bound and susceptible to easy misinterpretation.

Tomorrow: Body Language. Not just for the dance floor anymore!


Note:  The thoughts and opinions on Training Wheels are my own, unless otherwise referenced, and are to be food for thought.  If contemplating business changes, these blog posts are not a substitute for consulting your lawyer or accountant. I"ll bet you already figured that out, didn't you?  

Thinking Before You Speak

Yesterday I focused on the general importance of good communication in both a professional setting and in our personal lives. Today we are going to look at the first area of potential miscommunication: Failing to put thoughts into the proper words.

In a different country or in cross-cultural situations, it's easy to expect miscommunication. When trekking across China language, accents and body language are different. But, guess what? Communication misunderstandings are equally common among people of the same ethnic and social background. Communicating effectively is so difficult because at each step in the process there is a major potential for error.

As previously mentioned, by the time a message gets from sender to receiver there are four sites where transmission errors can take place, and at each site, a multitude of potential sources of error. The sites are 1) transforming thought to speech, 2) the speech being sent to listener, 3) the receiver physically hearing the message and taking in other signals, 4) the listener interpreting the information. A misinterpretation can occur at each of the four sites with a 40-60% loss of meaning in each communication.

Avoiding Communication Errors in Transmission Site One-Transforming Thought to Speech
Mother always said, think before you speak. However avoiding errors in transforming thought to speech is more than that. Yes, it's helpful to collect your thoughts or even jot down a few notes before a critical interaction, but it is also important to review your state of mind. Are you upset, tired, angry about something else? These emotions can alter the words you choose and the manner in which your message is constructed. If you are upset, use deep-breathing exercises or count to ten before even thinking about what you wish to say. If you're engaged in a sales call with a difficult customer, choose words that are clinical and keeping with the situation. Avoid using slang, or words that appear to be trendy or immature.

It is important to understand that the majority of communication is non-verbal. A large percentage, researchers suggest over 90%, of meaning we derive from communication, comes from non-verbal cues. Consequently, thought's being transformed not only to words, but also into body language, tone and volume. This can include what a person is wearing, the manner in which he or she is standing, and the speaker's facial expression. If your face or voice routinely echoes your emotional state, this can be a stumbling block in the creation of speech from thought. In fact it leads to the second site for potential communication errors: the speech being sent to the listener.

Tomorrow: Avoiding Communication Errors in Transmission Site Two-Speech Sent to the Listener


Note:  The thoughts and opinions on Training Wheels are my own, unless otherwise referenced, and are to be food for thought.  If contemplating business changes, these blog posts are not a substitute for consulting your lawyer or accountant. I"ll bet you already figured that out, didn't you?