Do You Hear What I Hear?

Effective listening skills aren't just important in sales, they can make a difference in life!  Listening skills impact personal and professional relationships, increase job satisfaction and overall interpersonal happiness.  Studies show when people in your life are being listened to, they report feelings of respect, rapport, and a sense of achievement.  At work this means increased productivity, greater cooperation, teamwork and less job related stress.[i]   In sales: blowing out that quota!   In an relationship: better communication and intimacy.  For many of us only one of these positive changes would be worth increasing listening skills. So how can we become a good listener?


Well, communication gurus have identified four ways to listen; Passively, Selectively, Attentively and Actively (this is also referred to as reflective or responsive listening)[ii].  The first of these, passive listening, is perhaps the most common way most of us listen to others.  Think of a customer who might provide nonverbal cues as responses, but really says very little.  The nonverbal behaviors include eye contact, infrequent nodding of the head, and occasional murmurs, such as “oh”, or “hmmm”.  The listener presents a blank face and appears to not really “be there”.  For a speaker desiring a true conversation this type of listening can be extremely frustrating, as there is little connection between individuals.  Have you ever had this kind of interaction?  Getting past this type of listening requires engagement.  Ask an open ended question.  Stop talking.  This may be a sign you are talking too much and the listener has really just tuned out.


Then there is the second most common type of listening: selective listening.  Selective listeners hear only that which they want to hear, and behave as such.  As long as they like what is being said, the listener is connected to the speaker.  When they no longer care for the message, the individual practicing selective listening will then demonstrate strong nonverbal behaviors to express their disapproval or disinterest.  They may look at their watch, roll their eyes or break eye contact.  They may insert verbal cues such as changing the subject, taking over the conversation, or arguing minute points, as if debating.  It is easy to become a selective listener.  Time pressures and preconceptions can lead to a habit of selective listening.  This type of communication damages professional and personal communication, and can also cause misunderstanding and job tension.  It is also one of the worst things to see from our customers, co-workers or clients.
            
The third and more productive form of listening is attentive listening.  Attentive listeners are more engaged than passive listeners, and far less judgmental that selective listeners.  The attentive listener’s behavior involves a great deal of eye contact, nodding or supportive comments, and sincere facial expressions.  They also may ask questions to better understand the speaker’s thoughts.  This is a very facts oriented approach to communication.  It does, however, miss the emotional aspect in every interaction, and consequently lacks the full meaning.


The final and most effective means of listening is active listening (also referred to as reflective or responsive listening).  This is where we want to be as sales people and s human beings.  Active listeners utilize listening as an equal part of their communication skills.  They receive a speaker’s message in a nonjudgmental, open-minded fashion.  More importantly the active listener makes every attempt to understand the complete meaning of a communication.  The feelings and the facts are both part of the message.  Like the attentive listener, the active listener’s behavior involves eye contact, nodding, supportive comments, and sincere facial expressions.  They also patiently ask questions to clarify the speaker’s thoughts, and work to summarize both the emotions and ideas behind the interaction[iii].  Can you see how active listening can benefit a consultative sales process and increase the realtionship we have with our customers? 


Tomorrow:  Acitve Listening:  Does it Burn Calories?

[i] Brounstein, p. 28

[ii] Brounstein, p. 38

[iii] Booher, p. 154

Note:  The thoughts and opinions on Training Wheels are my own, unless otherwise referenced, and are to be food for thought.  If contemplating business changes, these blog posts are not a substitute for consulting your lawyer or accountant. I"ll bet you already figured that out, didn't you?  

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