Have you ever spoken with a crabby spouse? Often it's the mixed message that's creating the problem, and no one believes the, "I'm not mad," said through clenched teeth. Most frequently, the listener will choose the nonverbal portion of the interaction as "what was meant". Mixed messages create tension and distrust because the listener senses that the speaker is hiding something, or being less than truthful. Non-verbal communication also includes physical touch and space. A handshake, a pat on the back, a hug or a kiss are all examples of tactile non-verbal messages. For some cultures there is a great deal of tactile messages between the same gender, but little physical contact between the sexes. For example, a female patient from Pakistan may be uncomfortable shaking the hand of a male health care provider, or an Iranian coworker may be uncomfortable with a pat on the back. When interacting with individuals from other cultures, it is best to err on the side of less tactile contact, especially between genders.
Another aspect of non-verbal communication is physical space. Physical space is the proximity a speaker stands next to a listener. This space is divided into 4 distinct zones: intimate, personal, social and public. For most American-born individuals, the "intimate zone" is within two feet, and is share only with our closest family, and loved ones. The "personal zone" from two to four feet, and is usually reserved for extended family and friends. The social zone (four to twelve feet) is the distance most business or sales transactions take place. The final communication space, the "public zone", is over twelve feet and is generally used for lectures and public gatherings.
How does this physical space impact selling or other professional interactions? Consider this; humans tend to protect and control personal territory. We mark this territory with walls, personal items and a physical presence. For those of northern European descent, someone standing very close can cause discomfort, as it seems that one's space is invaded. When standing or sitting too close during and interaction, someone who is feeling uncomfortable may have difficulty processing information, retaining directions, and in general will "listen" less effectively.
Obviously, in a professional setting, this can pose a problem resulting in poor relationships, uncomfortable clients, and poorer results. At the risk of stereotyping, one can generalize and state that Anglo-Americans and Northern Europeans typify a non-contact group characterized by small amounts of touching and relatively large physical spaces between communicators. Southern Europeans, Arabic and Latin cultures will tend to stand more closely, and touch more during communication, especially when talking with individuals of the same gender.Another aspect of non-verbal communication is vocal intonation. Approximately 35% of a message is the tone, and the meaning of words is altered significantly by changing the volume or pitch.
Anyone with a teenager can attest to the fact it may not be what is said, but rather how it is stated. Vocal meanings also vary across cultures. To a Midwesterner raising a voice can mean anger, but a New Yorker may just find it an everyday way of being social. It is important to remember that hearing loss can also cause individuals to speak more loudly than normal social levels, and be perceived as angry or combative. Individuals socialized to speak more quietly may give the impression of passivity. The intonation used by a professional and client alike can affect the outcome of a business interaction.
Tomorrow: "Time" for a Review of Good Communication
Note: The thoughts and opinions on Training Wheels are my own, unless otherwise referenced, and are to be food for thought. If contemplating business changes, these blog posts are not a substitute for consulting your lawyer or accountant. I"ll bet you already figured that out, didn't you?
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