Can You Hear Me Yet?

So, want to increase your sales numbers?  Relate better to colleagues?  Communicate with your patients?  Want to improve your personal life?  Want to win friends and influence people?  Start listening!


I'm not just talking about nodding and interjecting an "uh-huh" to make a customer feel like you're paying attention.  I'm talking about active listening.  The academics sometimes refer to this as reflective or responsive listening, but its really just receiving a speaker’s message in a nonjudgmental, open-minded fashion.  It's making every attempt to understand the complete meaning of a communication, and "getting it" that feelings and facts are both part of the message. Depending on your natural personality type this may be an effort, but in this case, changing your natural tendency is worth it, both personally and professionally.


The big question is what do active listeners do differently than the rest of us?  Well first, active listeners utilize listening as an equal part of their communication skills.   Like the attentive listener, the active listener’s behavior involves eye contact, nodding, supportive comments, and sincere facial expressions.  The difference is they also patiently ask questions to clarify the speaker’s thoughts, and then work to summarize both the emotions and ideas behind the entire conversation[i]. 


To become an active listener it’s important to not jump in before the speaker has completed a thought.  Hear the message in its entirety.  I know this is sometimes difficult as a sales person when we feel we have so much to share and not enough time.  It requires respect, patience, and emotional control: a skill that is especially difficult when dealing with people who have a drama-tically different communication style.  Try to avoid offering advice before it's been requested---especially if the speaker has yet to share their entire thought. 


A truly effective active listener must also  be able to focus on what is being said.  If necessary remove any distractions or physical barriers that are impeding communication.  Turn off the car radio, shut an office door and absolutely put away that Blackberry!


If you want to improve your listening behaviors, practice echoing.  Echoing is a technique where the listener uses the exact phrase a speaker uses in order to gain greater understanding.  For example a client may say,  “That product is too expensive for our budget.”    The sales person would the repeat the word expensive and ask for further clarification.  “Is it something you would want if it were priced less?  Does the product offer value? If price wasn't an issue, how would you use this in your business?”  Doing this insures that ambiguous phrases or statements are more clearly defined, and brings you closer to being an active listener.

Note:  The thoughts and opinions on Training Wheels are my own, unless otherwise referenced, and are to be food for thought.  If contemplating business changes, these blog posts are not a substitute for consulting your lawyer or accountant. I"ll bet you already figured that out, didn't you?  

[i] Booher, p. 154

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Do You Hear What I Hear?

Effective listening skills aren't just important in sales, they can make a difference in life!  Listening skills impact personal and professional relationships, increase job satisfaction and overall interpersonal happiness.  Studies show when people in your life are being listened to, they report feelings of respect, rapport, and a sense of achievement.  At work this means increased productivity, greater cooperation, teamwork and less job related stress.[i]   In sales: blowing out that quota!   In an relationship: better communication and intimacy.  For many of us only one of these positive changes would be worth increasing listening skills. So how can we become a good listener?


Well, communication gurus have identified four ways to listen; Passively, Selectively, Attentively and Actively (this is also referred to as reflective or responsive listening)[ii].  The first of these, passive listening, is perhaps the most common way most of us listen to others.  Think of a customer who might provide nonverbal cues as responses, but really says very little.  The nonverbal behaviors include eye contact, infrequent nodding of the head, and occasional murmurs, such as “oh”, or “hmmm”.  The listener presents a blank face and appears to not really “be there”.  For a speaker desiring a true conversation this type of listening can be extremely frustrating, as there is little connection between individuals.  Have you ever had this kind of interaction?  Getting past this type of listening requires engagement.  Ask an open ended question.  Stop talking.  This may be a sign you are talking too much and the listener has really just tuned out.


Then there is the second most common type of listening: selective listening.  Selective listeners hear only that which they want to hear, and behave as such.  As long as they like what is being said, the listener is connected to the speaker.  When they no longer care for the message, the individual practicing selective listening will then demonstrate strong nonverbal behaviors to express their disapproval or disinterest.  They may look at their watch, roll their eyes or break eye contact.  They may insert verbal cues such as changing the subject, taking over the conversation, or arguing minute points, as if debating.  It is easy to become a selective listener.  Time pressures and preconceptions can lead to a habit of selective listening.  This type of communication damages professional and personal communication, and can also cause misunderstanding and job tension.  It is also one of the worst things to see from our customers, co-workers or clients.
            
The third and more productive form of listening is attentive listening.  Attentive listeners are more engaged than passive listeners, and far less judgmental that selective listeners.  The attentive listener’s behavior involves a great deal of eye contact, nodding or supportive comments, and sincere facial expressions.  They also may ask questions to better understand the speaker’s thoughts.  This is a very facts oriented approach to communication.  It does, however, miss the emotional aspect in every interaction, and consequently lacks the full meaning.


The final and most effective means of listening is active listening (also referred to as reflective or responsive listening).  This is where we want to be as sales people and s human beings.  Active listeners utilize listening as an equal part of their communication skills.  They receive a speaker’s message in a nonjudgmental, open-minded fashion.  More importantly the active listener makes every attempt to understand the complete meaning of a communication.  The feelings and the facts are both part of the message.  Like the attentive listener, the active listener’s behavior involves eye contact, nodding, supportive comments, and sincere facial expressions.  They also patiently ask questions to clarify the speaker’s thoughts, and work to summarize both the emotions and ideas behind the interaction[iii].  Can you see how active listening can benefit a consultative sales process and increase the realtionship we have with our customers? 


Tomorrow:  Acitve Listening:  Does it Burn Calories?

[i] Brounstein, p. 28

[ii] Brounstein, p. 38

[iii] Booher, p. 154

Note:  The thoughts and opinions on Training Wheels are my own, unless otherwise referenced, and are to be food for thought.  If contemplating business changes, these blog posts are not a substitute for consulting your lawyer or accountant. I"ll bet you already figured that out, didn't you?  

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How to Really Listen in Business (and Life)

It seems that in front of a client, many professionals forget that speaking is only half of the communication equation.  Talking without listening is really just noise.  

Whether in life or business, a good conversation needs folks to take turns speaking and listening.  When both try talking at the same time, the communication process breaks dow and a tug of war ensues.  If the speaker never allows a response form the receiver, a monolouge, rather than a conversation has taken place.  Remember, a monologue isn't an effective way to sell anything, or build a professional relationship.  

The goal of the communication process is mutual understanding that strengthens the personal and professional bond:  For a sales professiona the result of such a mutual understanding is often a sale, for a physician it's a happier patient with a potential for better outcomes, for the office manager it results in a more efficient group of employees

So how do we improve our communication to get to this mutual understanding? Well, on the job we interact with co-workers, customers and their staff. As a rep I might do some talking and a lot of listening. In fact, I feel like I'm a pretty good listener. But is it possible to improve my listening skills still further? Can I learn to really listen and can that skill improve both my sales efforts and personal life? The first step in that process is understanding some key areas and putting them into practice.

First, it's important to realize that listening is a skill separate from the physical act of hearing. Being able to hear someone may have little to do with actually listening. Hearing is simply the process of taking in the spoken sound. Listening is so much more.

As a society we pay attention to great speakers, politicians, and stand-up comics. Has a great listener ever got a standing ovation? Does a great listener garner kudos. Not really, yet they should. Text books define effective listening as the means by which a thought is received from a speaker, and the true meaning is discerned. The receiver then must respond to the message to reflect understanding. It's that "true meaning" that is the hitch. Sometimes it seems like our clients are speaking in code. They say yes, but never follow with a purchase order. They nod, agree, voice thoughts, but we keep missing that big sale. What is the true meaning behind what they are telling us? You need to listen to find that out!

Tomorrow: "One of the best ways to persuade others is to listen to them." -Dean Rusk

Note:  The thoughts and opinions on Training Wheels are my own, unless otherwise referenced, and are to be food for thought.  If contemplating business changes, these blog posts are not a substitute for consulting your lawyer or accountant. I"ll bet you already figured that out, didn't you?  

Talk to the Hand

The last few posts I've really focused on the "what happens" when we open our mouths and "why" we may be understood as business professionals. Don't forget, (yes, I am repeating myself), most of the meaning we attribute to words comes from nonverbal communication factors: gestures, facial expressions, tone, and body language.

So what? What's in it for my quota attainment? How will I get along better with clients?  How will my patients respond differently?  Well, understanding leads to a change in behavior, so bear with me.

We use body language five different ways. You don't have to memorize these, but think about them! Think how they may have played a role in your business interactions, consultations and presentations: The success or lack of it.

So here are the five roles. In repetition the body language reflects the message the person is making verbally. You look like you are saying what you mean. The best professionals have mastered this! However, in the second role contradictory cues say the opposite of what the words state. Think of one of those sales reps that gave you the "I just don't trust him" feeling. It was because you brain was stepping in to tell you that something was not jiving with the sales message. In the third role, substitution, the non-verbal message is used in place of a verbal statement. For example, a parent can often clearly impart a message to their child with the "look". The child knows clearly what is expected, without a word being spoken. If only we could give the look to some of those difficult customers, huh?

Then there are complementing cues. Complementing cues add to or complement a verbal communication, but may or may not be a positive experience. Think of how a dad's pat on the back in addition to an "Atta Boy!" increases the praise's impact several fold. On the other hand, some more negative complementing cues might be a hand gesture (perhaps while driving?) or a shake of the head. We certainly all know the meaning of "Talk to the hand". What a great complementary cue! A final example is accenting, and it emphasizes or underlines a verbal message. Soviet leader, Kruschev's, famous pounding of his shoe, is a prime example of accenting. It may have worked for him, but would be perhaps a less than optimal idea in a professional setting, even if you are frustrated!

So, remember as professional folk become more skillful at communicating, we really start to understand the importance of nonverbal communication and use it to increase our effectiveness and bottom line.

Next Time: Listening? But I have something to say!




Note:  The thoughts and opinions on Training Wheels are my own, unless otherwise referenced, and are to be food for thought.  If contemplating business changes, these blog posts are not a substitute for consulting your lawyer or accountant. I"ll bet you already figured that out, didn't you?  

Now’s the Time for Talk!

So how does time impact communication in a professional business setting? The use of time is another non-verbal way to communicate thoughts and feelings. It can communicate feelings of self-worth, a view of status and power, and a host of a lot of other things. Think about how a emplyer would view timeliness in a potential employee. Out of respect the prospect would arrive on time, or be early. What does a late arrive "say" to a interviewer? Aren't they worth the courtesy your timeliness? You said a lot without first saying hello.

 So assuming you have arrived on time, the cadence of the words then used during every professional interaction says still more. It could imply measured thought, scattered and hurried ideas, or even a lack of intelligence. High speed communication, unless on the Internet, rarely provides accurate, comprehensive interactions. So for type A individuals: SLOW DOWN!

Slow and somewhat repetitive conversations provide the clearest exchange of ideas. A slow rate of speech implies well-chosen words and underscores the importance of the message. The pace gives a listener time to contemplate what's being said and attach the appropriate significance. No need to be a turtle, but enough of the Chipmunk sound track already!Individuals also use "things" to communicate non-verbally: expensive jewelry, clothing, neat or messy surroundings, photographs, and plants, etc. What we wear and other aspects of our physical appearance communicate social status, values and expectations. Our visual impression is often the first and most memorable of all communications, and can alter the client's ability to receive the intended message. So dress the part!

Health care professionals have long heard about the "white coat phenomenon." In fact, a Mayo Clinic study found a 68% decline in comprehension when patients are gowned and in an exam room. Do you ever wonder if your clients have the same response to your marketing materials? All joking aside, the physical environment and speaker's attire impact communication.So wrapping up, most of the meaning we attribute to words comes from nonverbal communication. Don't forget these include gestures, facial expressions, tone, and body language.

 Tomorrow, the roles nonverbal cues play in communication

Movin’ and Groovin’ in Communication

So now we know we have to think before we speak, and that our words only convey part of the message. What is another means that body language impacts communication? When an individual says one thing, but relates the exact opposite through voice or movement, these interactions are referred to as mixed messages. They require the listener to choose between the verbal and non-verbal.

Have you ever spoken with a crabby spouse? Often it's the mixed message that's creating the problem, and no one believes the, "I'm not mad," said through clenched teeth. Most frequently, the listener will choose the nonverbal portion of the interaction as "what was meant". Mixed messages create tension and distrust because the listener senses that the speaker is hiding something, or being less than truthful. Non-verbal communication also includes physical touch and space. A handshake, a pat on the back, a hug or a kiss are all examples of tactile non-verbal messages. For some cultures there is a great deal of tactile messages between the same gender, but little physical contact between the sexes. For example, a female patient from Pakistan may be uncomfortable shaking the hand of a male health care provider, or an Iranian coworker may be uncomfortable with a pat on the back. When interacting with individuals from other cultures, it is best to err on the side of less tactile contact, especially between genders.

Another aspect of non-verbal communication is physical space. Physical space is the proximity a speaker stands next to a listener. This space is divided into 4 distinct zones: intimate, personal, social and public. For most American-born individuals, the "intimate zone" is within two feet, and is share only with our closest family, and loved ones. The "personal zone" from two to four feet, and is usually reserved for extended family and friends. The social zone (four to twelve feet) is the distance most business or sales transactions take place. The final communication space, the "public zone", is over twelve feet and is generally used for lectures and public gatherings.

How does this physical space impact selling or other professional interactions? Consider this; humans tend to protect and control personal territory. We mark this territory with walls, personal items and a physical presence. For those of northern European descent, someone standing very close can cause discomfort, as it seems that one's space is invaded. When standing or sitting too close during and interaction, someone who is feeling uncomfortable may have difficulty processing information, retaining directions, and in general will "listen" less effectively.

Obviously, in a professional setting, this can pose a problem resulting in poor relationships, uncomfortable clients, and poorer results.   At the risk of stereotyping, one can generalize and state that Anglo-Americans and Northern Europeans typify a non-contact group characterized by small amounts of touching and relatively large physical spaces between communicators. Southern Europeans, Arabic and Latin cultures will tend to stand more closely, and touch more during communication, especially when talking with individuals of the same gender.Another aspect of non-verbal communication is vocal intonation. Approximately 35% of a message is the tone, and the meaning of words is altered significantly by changing the volume or pitch.

Anyone with a teenager can attest to the fact it may not be what is said, but rather how it is stated. Vocal meanings also vary across cultures. To a Midwesterner raising a voice can mean anger, but a New Yorker may just find it an everyday way of being social. It is important to remember that hearing loss can also cause individuals to speak more loudly than normal social levels, and be perceived as angry or combative. Individuals socialized to speak more quietly may give the impression of passivity. The intonation used by a professional and client alike can affect the outcome of a business interaction.

 Tomorrow: "Time" for a Review of Good Communication


Note:  The thoughts and opinions on Training Wheels are my own, unless otherwise referenced, and are to be food for thought.  If contemplating business changes, these blog posts are not a substitute for consulting your lawyer or accountant. I"ll bet you already figured that out, didn't you?