Walking the Talk in Active Listening

Have you ever watched a colleague and just felt they weren't listening to anything you has said?  Ever felt your spouse may have been present, but hadn't really heard a word of the last minute of your conversation? Well your mind may have been picking up the unspoken message of their body language.  You might be surprised but using body language can actually improve your listening skills and increase your sales. 


Lets first talk about the mirror to the soul: your eyes.  Maintaining good eye contact (without staring or glaring please) increases the perception of effective listening.  Break from a constant rapt gaze, as that can seem a little creepy, but be aware that constantly shifting your eyes when folks are speaking to you can imply dishonesty, or that you want to get away as fast as possible from the current conversation.  No eye contact at all shows that you're already gone, if not in body then in spirit!  No one, especially a customer, wants to feel their thoughts don't matter enough to pay attention and you'll really find yourself "outta there".  Finally looking up out of the corner of your eye says that you aren't listening to what is being said, but thinking about your response already.  Not the way to get that sale!


Try some other body language techniques to improve listening skills.  You can show your interest in the subject through facial expression. Smile slightly, if appropriate and nod if you agree with or understand what's being said. Of course in a business situation we won't consciously eye roll or make other negatively perceived facial gestures (don't you wish teenagers could learn this?)  But  it's surprisingly how often we are unaware that we may raise our eyebrows, smirk, grimace or frown while others are speaking to us.  These facial expressions may be even worse than a blank stare when it comes to effective communication.  So  watch what your face is "saying" as you listen.    


A listener’s excessive movements, fidgeting or looking at the nails conveys a feeling of disinterest.  Check out the manicure after the business appointment!  Also, pay attention to how you're sitting.  Make an effort to lean slightly toward the speaker, and avoid closed postures with tightly crossed arms.  These gestures send a judgmental or incredulous message to the person speaking.  Try letting your arms rest loosely to the side of your lap with the palms turned up.  The mind interprets this as non-verbal signals that you're ready for honest, open and interactive communication, and can help your client feel more comfortable talking with you.


A listener can also offer questions to clarify the speaker‘s message.  This technique is commonly referred to as probing in our sales skills world.  It's nothing new in sales training, or intro communication courses, but a good refresher to remember that probing involves two type of questioning: open and closed. 


Closed probes can be generally answered with yes or no responses, and are great for closing a sale and securing commitment. Do you want to buy my widget?  Yes!  Well great.  Let's write up the order.... So while these types of questions are better for final clarifications, they rarely generate a conversation.  For that you need an open probe. 


Open probes are how, what and why questions.  How can we make this purchase easier for you?  What is the reason you are at this branch office today?  Why do you feel that this product isn’t working for you?  By the way, make sure your question relates.  In active listening it's important that the listener focus questions back to the speaker’s topic, so that the questioning doesn’t appear to simply be a means to change the subject.


Note:  The thoughts and opinions on Training Wheels are my own, unless otherwise referenced, and are to be food for thought.  If contemplating business changes, these blog posts are not a substitute for consulting your lawyer or accountant. I"ll bet you already figured that out, didn't you?